Scientists in Alaska have found a gap between the horizon and the Earth. The gap, which is nine miles across, is believed to have been caused by recent storms which tore the horizon from its moorings. A team of civil engineers has now set off to lash the horizon back down with steel.

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In other news, the Summoning of Spirits project isn't coming out in March, like originally planned. Story at 11.

This just in (though it's been a few days) I got shingles. They really, really itch, & they suck poop.

Also, after countless minutes studying, I found out that if you've had chicken pox, technically you've had herpes. Back to you anchor #1.

Thank you, Jokey.

I have just received breaking news that a Volkswagen Beetle, new model, hit a fresh rain puddle, causing it to flip over, making 500 inversions. Horrifically, 30 people were squeezed into this car. However, as luck would have it, neither the passengers nor the driver were hurt, as they acted as their coushins for each other. Boy, that weather is terrible out there.

Breezy McSleezy, how's the weather going to look tonight?

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I'm too lazy to have a real sig! Wheee!

INCREDIBLE NEWS:

Volkswagen survives monster truck crushing unscathed.

Thanks Kyle...

A quick look at the headlines today:

'Plastic surgeon arrested with stash of stolen mouths', that's in the Express, the Hull Aphrodite, 'Police chief crushes lizard with whistle', there he is looking wretched, the Daily Mail, 'Child made of paint wins by-election', the Murdoch papers tomorrow, 'Crazed wolves in store a bad mistake admits Mothercare', and there's the same story in the Sun, and the Daily Mirror have a special pull-out note for the milkman, 'five pints please', they'll be doing three, two and four later in the week.

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Headlines tonight:

The Independent, 'Bank of England recovers from swollen chairman unusualness', the Telegraph go with 'Simon Rattle lost in cress', the Daily Mail pretty keen on 'Lassoed bat wins Booker', they devote four pages to that, the Daily Mirror rather upset, 'Fleetwood Mac buried in dog avalanche' and Today ride with 'Old woman killed by little glass planet', that's a story there by Andrew Penman. Due to a printing error today's Guardian is full of water.

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Killed me.

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TOUCH FUZZY GET DIZZY

Just in time for a quick look at today's headlines:

'Arafat ablaze in kerosene oyster hell', that's in the Telegraph, Today go with 'Peter Collins is not a man', the Catholic Herald, 'Eating turkey at Christmas is like nailing an egg to the cross says bishop' and the New Zealand Prendegast, 'Russia elects cobweb'.

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Just time for a quick look at tomorrow's headlines... Today, 'You could blow notes across the holes in his head says Sinatra doc', the Herald Tribune go with 'Boiled dog could do maths claims experimenter', the European, 'Elastic song strangles Hucknall', the Daily Telegraph and other broadsheets feature tabs down the sides for ease of turning the pages, and the Independent go with 'Portillo's face felt like guts says girl'. That's it, just to let you know that police are still looking for the actor Burt Reynolds after he stole a dodgem and drove it out of a fairground in Islington. The 70 year old actor escaped police after a low speed car chase, and was last seen heading north on the M11 near Saffron Walden. Good night.

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Unfortunately every last one of today's events has been cancelled. There is no news.

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Thread fails to deliver.

Or maybe it is...

The golden rule is: Never specify which year

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Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn!!!!